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Why how you show up in the world affects your sex life.

I like to listen to podcasts when I drive and the other day I was queuing up my selections when I noticed mine and my husbands accounts had synced and all his subscriptions were on my list.  This is annoying.  It makes it so I have to scroll through his stuff to find mine, but a title caught my eye from his New Man Podcast called “Masculine Power: Why won’t she have sex with me?” Now this I had to hear because honestly I expected a podcast vilifying women who don’t want to cater to their husbands needs ON TOP of everything else…

But what I heard surprised me, so much so that it inspired this blog.

What Tripp Lanier said was Men, how are you penetrating your world?   Woah I thought, that was not what I was expecting and I put down my pre-conceived notions and started to listen.  I’ll summarize the point here and for anyone wanting to listen here ya go.

He said if you aren’t penetrating your world at home, showing up, speaking up then why would your wife want to have sex with you.  He talked about men who kill it at work and then come home and become distracted, tune out, stick to the routine of not getting in the way and going with the flow as not penetrating their relationship.  Instead they turn to alcohol, porn, tv etc….They aren’t taking their power into their intimate relationships.

But what I really liked that he said is, when you have power you don’t have to over power.  People in their power don’t have to dominate.  They hold their power, it’s an energy and state of mind.  You can feel this type of power and women respond to it. Life responds to it.

This is good I thought and immediately I starting to flip it to the feminine perspective.

How are you letting the world penetrate you?  How are you bringing your own personal feminine power and showing up, speaking up for what you want and don’t want in your life, home and body.

Are you letting yourself be penetrated.? Or have you grown disappointed where you believe it’s just easier to meet your own needs and/or do things yourself.   Really think about that because we are talking life and sex, not just sex.  If you can’t trust your needs will be met you will have a hard time letting things penetrate you.  The disappointment just hurts too much so that doorway gets closed and once closed it’s really hard to open it again…But at some point to be in your power you have to trust and want to take it in.  Be able to hold it.  Be willing to receive good things, pleasure, connection, support, joy.

The flip side of this is letting yourself be penetrated by everything in a desperate hope to have any power and feel safe.  I think every women has been there, you take in something that doesn’t feel good or right hoping it will solve a problem or in a way to not even acknowledge the problem. This is our version of go with the flow, stay out of the way.  We don’t show up, speak up for what we want and need, we just submit and suppress as a way to keep the peace.   We take in other peoples needs with no connection to our own.  Just like he said for the men, when you have power you don’t need to over- power, well women when you have personal power your needs don’t get overpowered.

I recently completed 2 – 29 days of giving challenges and what I learned from that was to receive you have to be willing to give and to give you have to be willing to receive.  To block one side of this blocks the other. To only want to receive and not give actually blocking receiving.  And when you start giving every day it feels amazing and when you feel safe enough to receive it feels empowering.  I saw people (mostly women) block receiving over and over.  They weren’t letting help, gifts, compliments, money support in.  They didn’t want to be a bother, they didn’t want to be vulnerable, they didn’t trust that they could just receive and not immediately be in debt to something or someone.

I can totally see how the energy of sex is very similar.  You have to be willing to give and receive.  It’s an energy flow and it gets blocked when don’t understand its connected.  A man has to be willing to penetrate his home life with as much investment as he does his career.  A women has to be willing to be penetrated, to accept her man into her life and space and private places (to be vulnerable). She has to care about his internal world and well being.  Both parties need to know what their boundaries in life are, what they want to give and to receive.

Tripp told the men to go through the next 3 weeks really being aware how they were penetrating their home life, so women for the next  3 weeks lets be really aware of how willing we are to let ourselves be penetrated?  Are we Sovereign with boundaries and our own power able to lower the drawbridge to the castle and let in vital resources?  Do we meet our relationships open to receiving, making space for it or are we closed off thinking we have to do it all ourselves? Is the drawbridge closed and barred with armed men denying anyone who wants to enter?

Or are we a castle with no walls and moat, are we open to anything that wants to sack our life, steal our stores and pillage our wealth?  Do we know we have to value ourselves before anything of value will make it’s way to our shores?

Interesting isn’t it…

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