To be in your personal power you have to be able to set boundaries. Personally and professionally I’ve been on a quest for about the last 5 years to completely re-haul my own personal life through this sacred tool of boundary setting. To identify what is and isn’t ok with me, communicate that and set boundaries accordingly. So much so that I thought I was a boundary expert and I had it down pat.
But everything can be tested and taken to the next level. Almost like a boundaries 3.0. Over the last few weeks I’ve had every boundary tested in some way. I’ve been tested where it’s late night emails trying to open a coaching conversation instead of booking directly and waiting for the appointment, to feeling coerced to join volunteer groups that I’m in position to support at the moment, to having someone ring my front door to vent their displeasure and the most recent two events…
I am currently selling my home. I’ve received guidance that now is the time to move and shift the dynamic around where and how I live and I’ve answered that call. But getting my house up on the market has been arduous. It took every ounce of strength to hold the vision against many obstacles and get the property listed. Through this process many boundaries have been tested and many opportunities to quit have presented themselves.
Finally, my house has been on the market two days and in those 2 days I have had 2 viewings. Both were last minute requests, both left me scrambling. I have to clean and get 2 kids, 2 dogs and 2 cats out of the house. The first viewing canceled 5 mins AFTER they were supposed to be in the house. Everyone was frustrated. “It’s ok I cheerleaded, the next people will be our people”
A day later the next request came. Again it was short notice. I knew this one was coming because I woke up with a knowing to get my house in order. So I did and sure enough right before I was supposed to pick my son up from school I get the request. The people want to come in in 2 hours. So at least the house was ready because I listened to my intuition, but I gathered up 2 dogs and cats and headed to Griffins school.
We needed to burn time so we got food and headed for the off-leash park. As we were walking the dogs A huge thunderstorm started and we rushed back to the car, we drove around until all the time burned up, picked up my daughter who also got caught in the rainstorm and was soaking wet then headed home. We were all tired but hopeful the people loved the house.
Fifteen minutes after we get home the doorbell rings and it’s the realtor. I open the door and the agent says “oh we are running late you won’t believe the day we are having, can we come in? When I just sort of stare at her she says, my people are from out of town and they are really nice. Well I think, I need to sell my home so I respond, “sure I’ll get everyone and head into the basement”
I gather up the kids and animals and head to our basement and we all sit on a box. My son who is tired starts to cry. I just want to relax I’m really tired. I console him and promise it won’t be long. The door to the basement opens and I hear a man say “oh no it isn’t even developed down there” in a voice full of disgust. “no It’s not” I say back to which he closes the door. I hear them leave a few minutes later.
Now Im mad. Really mad. So much for the “really nice clients” Something I read a while ago pops into my head “anger/resentment is a signal that boundaries are being crossed.” And I realize…. oh snap. I’m not setting boundaries. I’m believing the story that the buyer holds all the power and I have to bend over backwards to sell the house. And as we know what you believe is what you attract and create on some level, but more than that my anger is letting me know this isn’t ok with me.
So I call my agent, tell them what happened and tell them I’m angry, and I got the BEST response back. He said to me, “Angela, this is your house, do not say yes to last minute showings if it’s really inconvenient, if someone misses their time and rings the doorbell after when you are back home, don’t let them in and if someone disrespects your home while you are literally in it, KICK THEM OUT! Serious buyers will come back, good people don’t act like this. Don’t take any abuse”
It was like I was talking to myself when I coach others. I was so grateful to him to reminded of the truth! I could have hugged him. It was like waking up from a fog. I am in control of what is and isn’t ok for me. Disrespect is not ok. Last minute showings are not ok. Holding the belief that to sell my house I have to bend over backwards because it’s a “buyers market” is not true and does not have to be true for me. I dont’ care how many people spout it off. It can be a buyers market and I still get to say no, that doesn’t work for me. In fact its imperative that I do because you attract to you what you believe deep down. As long as I believe I have to bend over backwards I will attract people who will expect me to bend over backwards. As long as I believe it’s a buyers market, I’ll be lucky to sell, I will be lucky if I actually ever sell the house. You attract what you hold as truth and of course what you are believing subconsciously (this is what it takes to sell the house… UM NOPE)
As soon as I realized this is another area I had given away power, I chose differently. Ive decided that this can be much easier. I choose for this to be mutually respectful. I choose for this to feel good. I will set boundaries when I feel that is not happening and I know that it won’t cost me being able to sell my home.
How do I know that? Because being in integrity NEVER robs us of our best outcomes. It guarantees our best outcomes.
Well snap, that one almost got me but I’m levelling up on this boundary personal power thing, and so I have to ask dear reader, are you?
I offer coaching in support of discovering where when and how you give away your power and I help you figure out how to set appropriate boundaries. Like rocks diverting the flow of the river, you dont’ have to let the river flood your settlement every 6 weeks, we can figure how and where the water(energy, beliefs) needs to be diverted in your life and build up a damn (boundaries). So that you get all of the benefits of the water without the destruction of getting flooded. How’s that for a metaphor?
We hold great power to create but it takes creation to do so.
Let me support you on your life plan, you don’t have to keep getting flooded. Check out my personal power coaching package and reach out with any questions you may have. Are you ready to create big shifts in your life? Because it’s up to you how you go about being in the world. And that is the key to everything.